[space to actually write about my three separate hour-long phone conversations this evening, comfort with responsibility and loneliness, embracing the struggle, listening to my own needs, standing up for my beliefs, the virtues of moving to a new city, the growth i’ve experienced since leaving santa cruz/my last job/my hometown, how i feel ever so slightly more mature and calm, the ebb of that persistent threat of regression, doubt melting like ice on the counter, and a picture in my mind of you looking at me years from now on my wedding day from a seat during the ceremony, or in a photo taken at the reception after the fact. and i will smile.. i’m smiling right now, in fact.)